Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage between living spouses. Such an interpretation of this term is given to us by dictionaries and the Family Code. Still, there is a dry statistics: about half of marriages all over the world end in divorce. Psychologists and sociologists investigate the causes of divorce, scientists study this problem, defend their thesis, write aids for the suffering …
CAUSES OF DIVORCES
1. DO NOT HAVE CHARACTERS
This is the reason most often indicated in the lawsuits. Clients complain to her about the methods of therapists. After living a certain period of time together, the spouses understand that they have become strangers to each other, that they could not accept the values of their halves. Goals in life are put different, and on the way to their achievement, the spouse’s participation is not required. If this opinion is shared by both spouses, friendship after marriage is quite possible. An example of this can be a star couple Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. After 13 years of marriage, both spouses came to the conclusion that they outgrew their marriage. Even the children could not keep them together. Nevertheless, they still maintain friendly relations.
2. THE UNNESS TO SET UP THE DIALOGUE
Couples, whose communication is reduced to discussing only everyday problems, partners who do not know how to express their point of view and hear the opinion of a loved one, eventually come to an imminent break in relations. Not mentioned in time, the small thing grows into an insoluble problem. All this is accompanied by scandals, mutual accusations, and insults. Do you remember Mr. and Mrs. Smith? The main characters because of the lack of information, distrust almost killed each other. And it’s good that exceptional circumstances were able to reconcile them. But in real life, this does not happen, so the inability to establish a dialogue is unlikely to turn into friends of former spouses.
Of course, you can meet spouses who know about the betrayal of their half and forgive them, reconcile with the existing state of things, being afraid of loneliness. But most often betrayal is the cause of divorce. To be friends with a traitor? Each of us knows a lot of examples for any answer. An example of friendship after infidelity can serve as a pair of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Parady. The reason for the rupture of their civil marriage was repeated trips to the “left” Johnny. Nevertheless, mutual warm feelings for each other and, of course, concern for children turned into the friendship.
4. BIRTH OF A CHILD
It would seem that a child is a fruit of love between a man and a woman, but often the birth of a baby causes divorce. Usually, this happens with couples who live “for themselves” for a long time. And with the birth of a child, one of the spouses can not reconcile with the fact that the love and care of a partner do not get him alone. Escaping from the family, most often such a spouse deprives himself of friendship with former close people.
DO NOT FRIEND
Many researchers of human relationships are confident that it makes no sense after the divorce to continue any relationship, especially to be friends. And they prove their point of view, relying on statistics and data from sociological surveys. There are many reasons for this.
1. No matter how peaceful the gap, in the soul of everyone remains an unpleasant residue. At each meeting, you want to tell something, give more convincing arguments in defense of your position.
2. Breaking the relationship is always a pain. And the relationship after the divorce only takes healing wounds. You can not first blaze with passions, and then politely inquire about the state of affairs of the former spouse.
3. Nostalgia for pleasant moments from a past life together often leads into each other’s arms. And after that, there is a risk of stepping on the same rake. After all, the reason for the divorce was weighty, and not the fact that it disappeared. Temporary weakness can lead to the repetition of suffering.
4. As long as love develops into friendship, each of the spouses could build new relationships, and this, in turn, will season the pain with jealousy from the gap that has taken place.
5. We need to learn life without the former halves: most to solve household issues, most seek sources of livelihood.
6. The earlier you let go of the past, the sooner the future will come. How this future will be, it is not known, but the chance to change it will appear if we stop grieving and remembering the past.