Difficult conversation: the art of negotiating in the family

In the family, there are many different facets of relations. Relations with spouses, relationships with children. Moreover, each of the children will have their own kind of relationship. Relations with parents, with parents of the spouse, with brothers and sisters, with other relatives. And we are all engaged in some kind of social work, and we still have relationships with the bosses, subordinates and so on. This is already distant circles of communication. And sooner or later we all have to figure out something, solve some problems, experience some discontent, maybe a misunderstanding. In order to solve all these conflicts or pre-conflict situations or some pressing problems in the family, you need to have a conversation. To establish relationships in the family, we need a frank conversation. And now we’ll talk about why you can not live without difficult conversations.

Words protect love

A difficult conversation helps to keep love. It protects the relationship from those harmful elements that harm. Detachment, psychological defense, control, manipulation, immaturity, selfishness of one or both affect relationships as unfavorable environmental factors. They poison relationships and just kill them. If you do not get rid of these harmful factors, then they either will cause the relationship difficult to compensate for damage or lead to their end.

A healthy confrontation not only preserves relations but also unites disunited people. Remember with whom of your loved ones you have an unresolved problem or conflict. Perhaps this person was mentally far from you. Perhaps, in relation to you, he showed excessive criticality. Whatever it was, when the conflict is not made public, it inflicts enormous damage on the relationship. It separates and disconnects people.

Do not be afraid to talk openly.

The indicator of harmonious relations is the ability to touch and resolve arising troubles. The opinion that strong feelings will pass, if they are not manifested, including without talking about them, is deeply mistaken. If we live, pretending that these feelings do not exist, they become worse. Two people in frozen, alienated relationships try to avoid sharp angles. But, in the end, only the appearance, the outer shell, remains of the relations. And only when their hearts open to each other, this shell can again be filled with joy, love, and harmony. Often couples say that they felt a deep mutual connection even after an ineptly conducted difficult conversation.

Your relationship is your responsibility

Conducting a healthy confrontation involves the ability to delegate authority, that is, show trust. It is very important. The ability to make choices, that is, take responsibility for yourself and make changes in your relationships. Every person has a responsibility to exert influence on people with whom he was brought to life so that they become those beautiful creatures that were conceived by the creator. This is a very important thought. When there is a protracted problem in a relationship, but you do not have the skills to conduct a difficult conversation, then you feel helpless and powerless. You see the problem, you feel the harm that it does to the relationship, but you do not know what to do. These feelings often turn into a state of doom and passivity, lead to depression. You are inwardly capitulating and accepting that nothing will ever change. I often hear from my client’s such words: “He (she) will never change. This is my cross. ” Moreover, I am very upset when such phrases sound to their children when they begin pre-adolescence and adolescence, and very often come across this. I think that this is a big mistake.

Changes in us give rise to changes in others

When we learn to conduct a difficult conversation with love, honestly and directly, we often find changes not only in relationships but also in ourselves. We feel strength, we feel that we are able to change a lot, we understand that we have a choice. I often hear a woman explain her powerlessness: “I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. The husband and the child do not change. My hands have fallen. ” But then it turns out that “I tried everything” – this means I tried all the wrong options. If you learn how to properly build a conversation, you can solve many life problems. This is one of the most important and obvious advantages of a difficult conversation. Talking about boundaries is aimed at intelligently dealing with a problem that alienates two people and brings untold pain to them. And if the conversation is properly organized, then the problem is resolved, and the relationship develops further.

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